Tag Archives: hotel bathroom

Providence, Rhode Island: Courtyard Mariott Providence Downtown

IMG_20160331_005556_937  I was walking along in Downtown Providence past the river, and I was just sort of lost. I had every intention of conquering this city’s poopers one stall at a time but now that I am a fish out of water, and it was time for me to hunker down! As I was walking towards the financial district, trying to find the H.P. Lovecraft house, I happen to notice a sign which read, “Marriott Hotel” on the side of this brick building. There wasn’t an entrance in this place, just the sign. So my curiosity got the best of me and as I rounded the corner up a small hill I spotted our next location, The Courtyard Marriott Providence Downtown.

There were two bus’ parked on the hill leading to the front door. When I got closer to the door I noticed there were NCAA stickers plastered on every inch of the window. Apparently a portion of the Final Four tournament was being held in Providence. This hotel wanted you to know that if you were here for the NCAA then you are welcome! I walked in to the see some young college kids on the right giving out pamphlets of “things to do in Providence”. I wanted none of that. I walked right past the reception desk and turned to the hallway on my right and headed that way. Along the middle of the hallway there is a smaller one where the bathrooms are located.

When you walk into the bathroom you will notice one lone solitary stall directly IMG_20160331_005556_967
ahead of you, and a urinal on your right. I had no problems finding the joint, and I was afraid it would be busy as a bee, but it wasn’t. See everyone was trying to find their rooms or trying to find the bar, me on the other hand, I was in it for the shitter! That stall was a handicap one and it was quite large and roomy. There wasn’t a coat hook on the door, but the stall was so large and clean I could put my bag down on the floor without worrying.

I sat down to take my shit, and again I was expecting at least a couple of people to use the bathroom. I wasn’t expecting it to be so dead. The other nice thing about this bathroom was the music which was playing softly in the background. It was nice to know I could let my butt trumpet wail and there was at least a modest attempt to cover up the awful noises with some classic soft rock.

 

                Now sitting here, I had quite a bit of time to soak up the sights the bathroom had
to offer. There was a weird abstract painting of what appeared to be tie designs hanging on the wall. But it was a nice contrast to the bright red walls with beige pattern running IMG_20160331_005556_952along the wallpaper. Now the Marriott Hotel’s seem to have this odd sort of connecting rectangle pattern that you can’t really see upon first glance. I wish I took a closer picture of the design to show you what I meant because looking at my pictures it seems like the walls were just red. Go through some of my previous reviews to find The Courtyard Marriott on Memorial Drive in Cambridge Massachusetts to see the design pattern up close and personal. The only thing that differs from the Cambridge Marriott’s Bathroom to this one is the Cambridge Marriott’s color scheme was peach and black, this one was red and beige. The walls in the stall were lined with this light-brown stone-looking tiles which were totally cheap and not the real deal. You can tell by knocking on them. These seemed to be the ones that you install when you are short on money. Now the floors were the same color tone as the tiles lining the walls only they were a shade or two lighter.

                To illustrate my point about the cheapness of the whole façade we have to look no
further than the toilet paper the hotel provided. It was in one of those oversized toilet paper holders. If you don’t know anything else about toilet paper quality know this; an IMG_20160331_005556_996oversized roll means that the quality is compromised over quantity. See companies will put oversize toilet paper in here because they don’t have to change it as often. The number one thing to look for in a good toilet paper is the size of the roll. This toilet paper was not top notch by any stretch, but it did the job. It felt cheap against my cheeks and it took more than usual to clean myself to the point where I felt comfortable leaving.

The toilet flusher was a manual flush. The soap was also manual, along with the sink. The only good thing about the clean-up process was the fact that they offered paper towels to use for hand drying. Although the paper towels were thin and small which made me use a more paper towels to dry my hands then I normally would.

So now that we know all that there is to know, let us begin our Secret Shitter Review. Remember these ratings are out of a possible five stars.

Number of Stalls 1
Stall Comfort 4
Accessibility 3
Cleanliness 4
Décor 3
Busyness 1
Toilet Paper Quality 2
Total 3

IMG_20160331_005557_10

 

We’re giving the Marriott Courtyard Providence Downtown a solid 3 Star rating. Some of the pros include; it is hard to find, it is not busy, and it was pretty clean. The cons on the other hand would be; the toilet paper quality. Yeah this place looked really nice, and was pretty hard to find, and they had some soft rock playing in the background. It all adds up to a better than average experience, but the carelessness of the toilet paper quality really sets this place back a few points. Now if they replaced the toilet paper brand with a better quality one, then this would easily be a 4 Star Shitter. However, this TP will rip your ass apart, and it will do so slowly, and painfully. I enjoyed both the décor, and the abstract tie painting. I was also fond of the bold colors of the bathroom. I thought it looked distinguished enough to be on the higher end of the shitter’s I’ve visited, but ultimately it comes up short. Trying to find the front door is also a bit of a challenge. This place is really hidden, and you really have to go on a trek to find it. I just wish that the end result would be better worth your time. On the other hand, if you were walking along in Downtown Providence, this place is totally good enough for you to take a shit, providing that you didn’t walk past the building. With all that in mind the housekeepers do a really good job of cleaning the place, so the bathroom has that going for it as well. On the other hand, you are given some demon-like toilet paper to wipe your ass with. So with that in mind, keep the Courtyard Marriott Downtown Providence on your pooping to-do list.

Like what you are reading? Did you know we are going to be coming out with two new books? The Secret Shitter’s Guide to New England, along with The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Vol. 2: Electric Poogaloo. Those will be available hopefully by the end of the summer/early fall. Please remember to share the page and posts you like, and I will see all of you on Monday for our next review: Portland Maine: Starbucks on Commercial Street.

Hyatt Regency Boston

                From the depths of my bowels to your eyes this installment of The Secret Shitter brings us to the Hyatt Regency Boston. Now this particular spot can be a little confusing to find, there are two Hyatt Regencies in Boston. One Regency is the Waterfront, and the other one is well, this one.

 


            The Hyatt Regency is located on Avenue de Lafayette in the Downtown Crossing neighborhood of Boston. It is around the corner from the Paramount Theater and a short walk from the Downtown Crossing, Park Street, and South Station MBTA Stations. I took the nice walk up from the South Station MBTA Stop. I don’t know what made me think to go into this hotel, but I am sure glad that I did.
 
            Now the hotel itself is setup rather confusing, so please bear with me as I try to explain it. You go in through the front doors, down a few sets of ramps, which will lead you to an elevator. You want to take the elevator up to the third floor, which will bring you to the hotel lobby. Why on Earth is the lobby located on the third floor is beyond me. But then again if I was in the hotel design business, I wouldn’t be writing a blog about crapping in public…
 
            Now remember how I said it was confusing finding the lobby? Well buckle up son because you are about to go on a god damn adventure trying to find this bathroom. You want to walk down where there are two IMacs and take an immediate right down that small hallway. Now there will be a sign that says “bathrooms”, but it isn’t so clear cut. You want to walk down that hall towards a small conference room/office, or whatever the hell it is. There will be a small hallway jetting out to your right. That is where the bathrooms are located. OK got that? I promise it will be worth it.
 
            Now when you first walk in you will see a grey pattern all around you. It is like a faux marble, although it could be real, I have no way to test these things in the field, either way it looked fucking baller. Now there are four doors across from the urinals, pick whichever one you want. There is no difference here to be honest. The doors are very solid. They actually feel like a door, if that makes any sense? See sometimes the stall doors feel flimsy, making you question whether or not you actually want to stay rooted in there for very long. Although sometimes you really do not have a choice.
 
            So now that we know the stall door feels like a door, let’s move on to the sheer size of the stall itself. To be honest it is deceptively small. You think that you are going into this tiny little thing, and then you realize that you have enough room to move around in it. There is also a coat hook up on the wall, which will come in handy considering Mother Nature is about to body slam the shit out of Boston, and if you are like me, I really do not like shitting with my winter jacket on. There are far too many variables that could go wrong. I also just purchased a white jacket for this winter, and well white doesn’t exactly cover brown.
 
            Another thing I like about the doors are they are raised a little higher than normal. This has a twofold advantage, one being they can see you, and you can see them. No awkward run ins in this bathroom. Speaking of which, there really wasn’t any activity when I was in there. Maybe a guy or two coming in to piss, and there was one other guy which was in the clutches of El Crappo’s hand (in case you don’t know, El Crappo is the fabled crap-demon from our neighbors to the south).
 
            Weirdly enough, above the smoothing sounds of the hipster soft rock that was 
playing, I could hear multiple toilets flushing to my left. I figured there was probably a glitch in the system. Sometimes those automatic flushers go off mid-shit.
 
            Now that El Crappo was beginning to help my poo slide out of the rectum slide, I was able to take a closer look at the wallpaper and décor. Now the décor had grey and white marbled floors, and a light grey wallpaper. Elegant, and relaxing is how I would describe the design of this high rise shitter. I felt relaxed here, and I didn’t feel like I needed to rush. I felt as though I could take all of the time in the world here.
 
            I was nearing the end of my little experience here in the Hyatt Regency Boston, and I had to turn my undivided attention to the two rolls of toilet paper sitting to my left. Now I took a little sample test of the toilet paper which would grace my O-ring, and to my surprise it felt awfully thin! How could a place that looked this good, cleaned this good, and felt this good have sub-par toilet paper! I sighed to myself, and I went about balling the toilet paper up and took a good, meaty swipe and the goo. Wow. The Hyatt Regency pulled one on The Secret Shitter. This paper is totally a comfortable two ply. Thank heavens because I was getting myself all worked up about this. When one wrestles with the god of hemorrhoids, you should not take any chances.
 
            Now that I was done doing the voodoo that I do, I got up and almost walked out when I noticed something odd, the automatic flusher didn’t go off. I thought it was odd, and upon further inspection it was not an automatic flusher at all! So by my deductions El Crappo must have taken a little too much from the man a few stalls over from me. Because that fucking toilet flushed a good five times. What struck me as odd was the fact that my toilet took the whole thing down with one pull of the magical flush stick. I guess I got lucky?
 
            So now you know about what I did, it is now time to put The Hyatt Regency Boston to The Secret Shitter’s Five Star Review System. Let us begin…
 
Number of Stalls: 4
Accessibility: 2
Stall Comfort: 3
Cleanliness: 5
Toilet Paper Quality: 4
Décor: 3.5
Busyness: 2
 
Overall Total: 4.25
Ok So you are probably wondering what is stopping this from being the perfect shitter? Well there isn’t really anything wrong with this bathroom at all. I just need more of a WOW Factor to make this reach up to that next level. I mean it is out of the way, it has a lot of stalls to choose from, and it is clean as a baby’s bottom. Like I said, when I give out five stars I expect to be wowed in some way, shape, or form. With all that being said this is totally a great place to take a poop in the Downtown Crossing area of Boston. I mean it has exactly everything you want in a bathroom. And it is so far out of the way most people will not even be bothered to look for it, which is a good thing for you. It is almost TOO out of the way for its’ own good. I mean you do have to trek through two doormen, an elevator full of people, and a front desk just to get to this shitter. Is it cool? Of course it is! Practical? Maybe not so much. Unless you are walking right by the hotel, you probably won’t even know it is there to be honest.
So with all of that said, did you agree or disagree? Let me know in the comment section below. Also please feel free to share this post with your friends and family!
Did you hear about our book? The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Vol. 1 is available on Amazon.com in both Paperback, and Kindle form! Click here to get it All of the cool kids are getting the book. Also maybe you can drop hints to your significant other and have him/her get you the book for Valentine’s Day! It is never too early to start dropping hints…

 

Until Next time… Peace.