Category Archives: Revere

Wendy’s – Revere MA

IMG_20160207_010326_85Where’s the beef? Is the iconic catch phrase from our latest location, The Wendy’s in Revere, Massachusetts. Wendy’s was founded in 1969 by Dave Thomas. As of 2015 the fast-food chain boasted 6487 locations worldwide*. However, I sincerely think that you are not interested in the history and background of the restaurant. I am more than sure that you are interested in the shit I took at the location.

Well normally we don’t review bathrooms which you have to buy anything. This bathroom is no exception, but I would urge you to proceed with caution if you want to use it. I really don’t think any of the workers care enough if you use the bathroom without purchasing something first. This could be speculation, but I did not buy anything when I used this restroom. I could be an anomaly, but I highly doubt it.

OK so you do not want to get caught attempting to use the bathroom? Maybe you are low on cash and you do not have the spare dollar and four cents to buy a hamburger to use the restroom? That is fine, I am going to tell you how to get in and get out without being noticed. There are two entrances to the restaurant. One of the entrances faces the Dollar Tree store, and the other entrance is closest to the Stop and Shop. Go into the entrance nearest the Dollar Tree store, this is the back entrance, and is not located in view of the cash register. In fact, you would be entering through the dining room part of the restaurant, so the only people who would see you are the customers who are eating, and so long as you do not look homeless, I am sure no one is going to say anything. So you walk in through the back door, and immediately on your right hand side will be the door for the restroom, congrats, you have just now snuck into the Wendy’s bathroom! But what awaits you next you say?

Well there is one stall located in this bathroom. There is also a urinal for your IMG_20160207_010326_119peeing pleasure to boot, should you not have to take a shit. The first thing you will notice is that for a fast food restaurant, this bathroom is superbly clean. I do not think there is too much foot traffic going inside to sit down and eat. This location does a killing in drive through business, so that is a plus for all of you secret shitters out there.

The décor of the place seemed outdated. When you look at places such as the Walmart in Lynn, which is about on the same level as this restaurant in terms of demographics, this bathroom does not hold up in our impression of the décor. The floors are pinkish and green, with an off-white colored wall. It really is not pleasing to the eye. I personally do not like it. I almost feel like you have stepped into a time warp, and it is not the good kind of time warp.

As far as my shit went, it was quite slippery and reminiscent of a back-door piss instead of a solid shit. I truly feel bad for the poor sap that had to use it after me. I really was not feeling too hot that particular day, and my shit just proved my suspicions that I was sick. The stench actually gave me a headache, and I had to go to the register and ask for water after I was done because I felt so dehydrated.

IMG_20160207_010326_164     Ok so enough about my sick-shits. This bathroom as you would suspect had some of the worst toilet paper I have used in quite some time. It was in fact a two ply toilet paper, which I had to double check to make sure. It felt brittle and it did not roll up, or bunch up very well. I feel like I would have been better off using some of there to-go bags as toilet paper. At least I would have known how shitty the bag was to use, and I probably would have been better off.

So as you may suspect the bathroom had manual everything. The toilet flusher, the sinks, and the soap dispensers all were manual. Now I have kind of gotten away from going into detail about the handwashing experience, mostly because it is kind of drab to be honest. If something does not stand out to me I will usually just say it was automatic, or manual and just go about writing my review. With that in mind, you needed to have the strength of a thousand gorillas to be able to get any soap out of that damn dispenser. I know I said it was old, but my God that thing was beyond ancient. I am sure President Grant must have used this thing, it seemed that old. The amount of soap that actually IMG_20160207_010326_149came out of it is laughable. It took me at least four pumps to get enough soap on my hands to feel comfortable enough to wash the poo-water off of my hands. The other thing that got me was the equally old air dryer installed in this place. I do not think the place is that old, so how in the hell did they get such an old air-dryer? It is a “World Dryer” brand air-dryer. It is like the owner went to the Salvation Army and found a used air dryer on clearance. Get a fucking Dyson and be done with it you cheap prick…

OK so that is that. I came, I shat, I left. Really there was nothing more to it than that. So now that you know about my shit, let us get into The Secret Shitter Review. All of these categories are out of a possible five stars, so let the games begin…

Number of Stalls: 1

Stall Comfort: 3

Accessibility: 3

Cleanliness: 4.5

Décor: 2

Toilet Paper Quality: 1

Busyness: 1

 

Overall Rating: 2

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A number two rating on taking a number two at the Wendy’s in Revere. The numbers and math do not lie. The toilet paper sucked, and the décor sucked. This bathroom is so clean because nobody outside of myself is dumb enough to use it. The food is debatable but this is not a place to review food, this is a place to review bathrooms. Now I do have a love for the chicken nuggets there, especially the spicy ones. That is not the point however. If you go into one of these establishments, chances are you are going to have to shit right after eating the food. This happens with me all the time. As soon as it goes in, it goes right out. It is not the worst bathroom in the complex, but it is not the best either. There are other options which favor your asshole more than Wendy’s. If you are in a pinch, but cannot make the short run across the parking lot, then I guess this is a place to shit.

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So now I am gearing up for our new book: The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Volume 2: Electric Poogaloo, I would like to thank all the people who purchased our first book! If you have not already done so, go to amazon and type in- The Secret Shitter’s Guide to Boston Vol. 1. Buy the book. I am looking to expand upon the state of Massachusetts, and you can help bring The Secret Shitter to a different part of New England! All sales from the books go directly into funding me to go someplace else. If you are in the town of Winthrop, Massachusetts then you can go down to the Winthrop Book Depot and purchase our book from that retailer! Plus, you can get some kick-ass coffee while you are there. You will also be supporting local business to boot. So just go down there and buy the book! Supplies are limited down there, so go before someone else does and buy our stuff!

 

 

Target (Revere)

                I was walking and finishing up my errands that I had to do when I turned over to my right to see the giant sign beckon my name. Even though it said, Bathrooms, I still felt as though God came down and touched my tummy and made me have to shit. Thankfully our next location fit the bill; the Target in Revere.
Photo: Secret Shitter
                Now I had been over by the Big Lots by mistake looking for something. I was in Target looking to get some cheap vitamins in case you were wondering. I am having oral surgery in a couple of days (at the time of this writing) and my oral surgeon told me that taking vitamins before surgery will help rapidly speed up the healing process. But enough of my problems, let’s get onto the shit.
                The bathrooms in Target are very accessible to the public. When you first walk into the store there is a small hallway on your right by the customer service center. That is where the sign leads you to where the bathrooms are. Now there are three bathrooms here, one for the men, one for the ladies, and one for the families. I have never been inside of a family restroom before, but I couldn’t bring myself to being able to occupy it. I kept thinking that a family with a screaming kid would be outside of the door, and cut my poop short. So I respected all of the potential screaming kids, and their parents and headed inside of the men’s room.
                There are three stalls as you walk in. Two are the normal kind, and the other is a handicap one. Unfortunately for us, the handicap one was being use by someone. So I opted to use a regular shitter this time. The stalls are noticeably smaller than the handicap ones, and personally I do not like it in any way, shape, or form. I am thankful that the stall had a coat hanger on it to hold my bag. If it didn’t than lying the bag at my feet would have made this experience all too cramped for me, and I wouldn’t have gone through with my shit.
                So let’s back up a bit and talk about the décor of the commode. It was very bright white. The floors were white tiled, and so were the walls. Along the top of the walls were red square tiles that ran across the border of the bathroom horizontally adding a little bit of contrast. Another item adding to the contrast was the shiny silver stall dividers. Now normally I just think it is cheap to have these dividers the way they are. They have to come from the factory that way. But in a way it added to the overall experience, and it was actually kind of nice.
Photo: Secret Shitter
                Now I will say that for some reason on this day I was having terrible shits. Like the kind that accompany loud and boisterous farts. Well even though nobody else walked into the bathroom during my approximate seven minuet shit, there was still the gent using the handicap stall for a good four and a half minutes as I was pooping. So even though we were trading farts like two warring ships at sea, the place remained desolate.
                After the other rather gassy gentlemen left the room after going blow for blow with me, I was able to take a look around and sort of get my bearings. I usually go out on these excursions after work, which is at nighttime. So usually I am alone, but I can picture if a place is going to be busy or not. Actually as of late I have been making my rounds in the mid afternoon. Anyways, none of that is important, but what is important is what comes after the shit.
                You guessed it, it is time for me to play fire with the devil himself and clean up my butthole. Now the toilet paper dispenser was actually empty when I visited this particular bathroom. But sitting on top of the dispenser was a roll of Scott brand toilet paper. The only reason why I knew it was Scott Brand was because there was a wrapper on the adjacent stalls floor. This toilet paper was soft and supple as it careened around the bumpy surfaces of my sphincter. It felt quite nice considering this was a Target and all. I was not expecting this level of toilet paper from this retailer.
                Now after the auto flusher disposed of my buried treasure I was able to step out of the stall a new man. After washing my hands in the manual sink, with a manual soap dispenser I was able to take a look around and inspect how clean this bathroom truly was. Surprisingly as I dried my hand at the only option, air dryer, I really didn’t seem to find any blemishes with this bathroom. It was bright, and it was clean. The walls were clean from and bathroom poetry, and outside of the Scott label sitting on the middle floor, there was no other dirt or grime that I could really see. So if you are a part of the team that works at Target in Revere, than I would like to commend you on your bathroom’s cleanliness.
Photo: Secret Shitter
                OK so now that we know all about my experience blow-for-blow, in this bathroom, why don’t we make some time for The Secret Shitter’s Five Star Review. Now for all of you new readers out there, this rating system is out of a possible five (5) stars. Ok do you have it? Cool, let’s begin.

Number of Stalls: 3
Toilet Paper Quality: 4.5
Stall Comfort: 3
Busyness: 2
Décor: 2
Cleanliness: 4
Accessibility: 4
Overall Rating: 4
Photo: Secret Shitter
I am giving this bathroom at Target in Revere the distinct honor of the second highest tear in our rating system. Now I should probably dock them some points and kick them down to the three level because of the vacant toilet paper dispenser, but this time I won’t. the reason is because they replaced it with a high level, top quality name brand toilet paper in its’ place. Scott is what I usually buy, so the fact that this target put in all the comforts of home, while I was away from my home, totally earned them the extra point. I know it is like I can be bought, but hopefully in my poop crusade, people start noticing this, and start putting in top notch toilet paper in their establishments. Anyways we are getting off topic here. So yeah the toilet paper was good, but that isn’t the sole factor for such a high score. The accessibility is another factor in this. I mean how can you beat the location. It is literally right as you walk in. Now I could see this being a little bit of a headache if you are out in some of the back isles shopping, but ultimately I really don’t think it would be that big of an issue to be honest. Plus you have to remember how far some people are coming from. Maybe they got stuck in traffic, and they really have to pee or shit? Well it is literally right there as you walk in. You don’t have to trek through the store behind little old ladies window shopping, just come right on in and go to town. To me, that is another factor in giving this such a high score. Another positive attribute about this bathroom is that it is very fucking clean. Like nothing on the ground. There is no piss all over the floors like you get in some places. Just good old fashioned American Pride. I mean really the only knock that I can even find in this place is the décor of the restroom. If they completely redesigned it, and put a little more effort into the thought process, than this would be a slam dunk hidden treasure along the North Shore. It would also be the first five star facility this side of the tunnel. But unfortunately it isn’t. Now that doesn’t mean that the bathroom décor doesn’t work. But compared to other places there is no wild-factor that makes me want to give it five stars. Plus even though I went on and on about how the bathroom was relatively quiet, I can imagine this bathroom getting quite hectic at times. Not just with grown men, but with little kids, and babies and shit. So that is also why I am a tad gun-shy about pulling the trigger on this place and sending it to the top of the pantheon. However either way you will be in for quite an enjoyable shit. So with that said, The Target in Revere is more than adequate to service your pooping needs. Until next time people, happy shitting.

Also tomorrow September 8th is my 30th birthday! Just thought you would like to know. 

Ah yes that lovely time in the post where I say follow me!

Twitter: @Secret_Shitter

As always we can be reached by email at:

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Big Lots (Revere)

     After going into the Staples in Revere looking for something that I totally forgot about, I felt a gurgling in my belly. Unfortunately for me, I had no place to call home base. Not until I walked by our next location, The Big Lots in Revere.
A look into the Restroom
Photo: The Secret Shitter
                Now I think this Big Lots took over the space where the old Stop and Shop was by Wonderland Greyhound Park. If you are unfamiliar, or not from the area, The Wonderland Greyhound Park was a dog racing track located across the street from the Wonderland MBTA station, hence how the T station got its’ name. Now across the street from there is a big outdoor mall. There used to be a Blockbuster, Dots, and a Stop and Shoplike I said earlier. Now I have never stepped into a Big Lots before, and I wasn’t sure quite what it was, but I do know that in the old Stop and Shop, there used to be a bathroom. So since my poopy senses were tingling, both figuratively and literally I went in on a whim and a prayer.
                I was in full blow hunter’s mode now going from isle to isle trying to sniff out the bathroom. I found it in the last leg of my lap around the perimeter of the premise. There was a big orange sign that said “bathrooms” so to the furthest door on the right, I walked right in and I began the onslaught. How I initially missed the sign is beyond my grasp of knowledge, but hey, we all make mistakes.

Photo: The Secret Shitter
                So upon first entering I noticed that I was the only one in there. That was really nice actually. There were two stalls and a urinal, one being a handicap stall and the other one being a common-man’s shitter. Now most of my readers will know this, but when given the chance I like to take the bigger of the two. I feel like I have a little more leg room and I don’t feel as cramped, which will hinder any persons’ poop.
                So now that I got in and I got my bag situated on the coat hanger I began my rigorous testing of the facility. When I first seated myself I knew that this would be better-than-regular poop. The toilet that they have is one of those ergonomic toilet seats. It kind of has a concave shape leaning inwards around the circular part of the bowl. As I sat here I began contemplating going over to a Home Depot one of these days and purchasing one for my families personal shitter.
                As I sat there huffing and puffing away I was able to look around like a wayward tourist
Jr Boston!
Photo: The Secret Shitter

who is lost at a local bazaar. The first and second part of my test is really combined into one. I first look, then I listen to the noises and sights that surround me. To my pleasant surprise I was the lone wolf in the room. No other person at any time came into this bathroom, which made for a very nice experience.

                As I was alone in my blissful shit, I decided to take a look and see what kind of décor that Big Lots had decided to put in their bathroom. There were your normal white colored walls which gave the environment a bright, clean feeling. The only blemish on the wall was at the far end of the handicap stall where someone tagged in black Sharpie; “Jr Boston!”. I have no idea what that means but I have seen that same tag come up at a few places along the MBTA Blue Line. I don’t know if it is just the work of one man, or it is a part of a criminal network of people working together. To be quite frank, I don’t really care either, that is not the point of this blog, I am only here to report the facts, not speculate about gang related activities in the North Shore area. Now where was I? Oh yes, the décor, outside of that one blemish, everything looked on the up and up. The floors were dark grey and had some paint-like accents in the tiles. It made the floors looked speckled with a human touch. I will say it was very nice.
                Next was my TP test. I was saddened to learn that this was a very low grade one-ply toilet paper. This was probably the same crap that they were selling for five dollars out in front of the store for a pack of twelve. Either way I haven’t come to the sad conclusion yet to start bringing my own toilet paper (BYOTP), I don’t think my pooping career has gone to that level yet. I am just a man reporting the facts, I am not some fat-cat power-pooper who is too good for the toilet paper that is provided. With as many crappy brands of toilet paper that have touched my asshole, I still go back for more punishment. Either way, to summarize the TP situation; I will say it is the first blemish in an otherwise great experience so far.
                Unfortunately I had forgot to update the portion of my notes which told me about the flushing situation. I seem to distinctly remember using my foot, so I am going to say they had a manual flusher. They also had a manual soap dispenser and water. And your only option for drying your hands was through the air dryer.
Cleaning list
Photo: The Secret Shitter

              Now that the deed was done I made one last turn to take a look at the big picture. What really stood out to me was how clean the place was. There were a few scattered pieces of unused toilet paper on the floor, but other than that everything looked like it was cleaned on the reg. And I will attribute the few pieces of toilet paper scattered on the ground to some savage who was just ripping violently at the roll. As I turned around to exit the bathroom I found something I wish I saw in more places, an up to date signed cleaning list. It was filled out for both the AM shift, and PM shift. Out of all of the bathrooms I have shat in, I have seen very little of these. I commend the manager of  Big Lots in Wonderland for holding his or her staff accountable for the cleanliness of the restroom. You never know when The Secret Shitter will strike…

                Ok so now that everything is all said and done it is time once again to go to our Secret Shitter Five Star Review. This is always my favorite part of the posts. I feel like that hard-nosed teacher you had in high school, but enough talking, let us get to the review. Now remember these are out of a possible five (5) stars.


Number of Stalls: 2
Toilet Paper Quality: 2
Stall Comfort: 4
Busyness: 1
Décor: 2
Cleanliness: 4
Accessibility: 3
Overall Rating: 4
                I know I am just as shocked as you guys that the Big Lots in Revere got this high of a score. I really had low expectations when I walked in, but I will say that I like being wrong in those types of situations. The things that led to a slightly less than perfect score was really the décor and the toilet paper quality. I am going to chalk up me missing the big bright orange sign to me really needing a port in the brown storm.   There isn’t much that they can do about the décor either, but there was a very large tag on the wall in one of the stalls. This bathroom was exceptionally clean to boot. That and the cleaning list was the deciding factor for me. Even though I do not like giving such a high score to a place with such low quality TP, I really just can’t bring myself to doing that to Big Lots in Revere. The TP situation is something that can easily be remedied, so there is always time for places to evolve their toilet paper. Hopefully places like this start reading blogs like this one and realize that in this day and age in America we demand high quality toilet paper! We work our asses’ to the bone and sometime our one escape of the day is when we go to shit. I know that is the only time I can relax when I am at work. Now that my little rant is over, I will say that the Big Lots in Revere is totally an oasis in the toilet desert that is the Wonderland Section of Revere. Come to think of it, I believe that is the only truly public toilet that is in that area. Then again, I haven’t researched the area all too well, so I am probably mistaken. I think I will have to revisit that area in the near future if I found a place that nice. Well there you have it folks, a very good to high quality shitter that is T accessible. Thanks as always for reading, and happy shitting!
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