We are about to embark on a journey. The likes of which we have never seen here at The Secret Shitter. We are about to go where no man has documented before. I am talking about shitting where we have never shat before, the ladies room inside of the Quiznos on Trumbull Street.
The air was brisk on this day in late spring in the much prettier-than-expected city of Hartford, Connecticut. I had just finished up eating an Italian chicken sub when I was overcome with the feeling of an imminent shit. I had gotten up from my seat and started my “poop dance” when I charged towards the men’s room. My plans seemed to have been dashed because there was someone already feeling the burn of a nasty Quiznos dookie.
The very nice cashier noticed that I was in distress and said, “Just go use the women’s room.” For your clarification purposes, I repeatedly asked twice if it was ok to do so and she continuously said, “yes.” Not only was my anus tingling from the sub-par lunchmeat concoction I ate, it was also tingling with the very thought of a new adventure into the woman’s room.
So the women’s room was positioned to the left of the men’s room. This bathroom was just like any other that I have baked my own butt-nuggets in. This was a lone shitter in a private bathroom. The door locked behind you ensuring that no one was going to disturb your dook. In Connecticut, they have these strange bars that come down like a roller coaster bar, like the ones that are to prevent you from flying all over the place. It actually makes more sense to have these in bathrooms than the bars screwed into the walls like we are used to. I would imagine that they provide more “ease of pooping” for our shitters with disabilities. Every time I took a shit with one of these I would pull down the bar and pretend I was strapping myself in for a rocket launch. This stall was particularly large. It had enough room to move around in, and more.
This was a pretty bland and corny color scheme. The floor looked like a rock ate at Quiznos and threw up all over the place. It was pinkish overall, but it had some black and browns speckled in there. There was a cabinet with extra toilet paper above the toilet. There were two half-full toilet paper rolls on the wall right next to a little trashcan (also wall-mounted) for tampons and pads I would imagine. The walls were white and canary yellow. The fixtures and cabinets were a mixture of white and metal. I give them an A for effort, but the overall scheme and layout just fall flat.
I will say that this bathroom was very well maintained. It looks like the people who work here take pride in their presentation and cleanliness. More businesses should follow the example of the hard-working men and women of the Quizzos on Trumbull Street. Nothing was out of place and you could eat in there if you wanted to. Although, personally I would recommend not doing that.
Well overall when I was shitting nobody knocked. It was a good thing too because I don’t know what the woman would have done if she heard my clearly male voice amid the sounds of my butt-band playing their latest hits. I did, however, find myself in this predicament because the men’s room was occupied. I would think that in the height of the lunchtime rush this would probably not be the place where one would want to shit, especially in the opposite gender’s bathroom.
This toilet paper was top-notch. I will say that in my notes it just says; “solid four-star toilet paper” and nothing more. I vaguely seem to remember it being soft and having the little ridges. I did try to open the cabinets above the toilet to try to peep at the brand of toilet paper they buy, but the cabinet was locked. As of right now it is a mystery, but I have my suspicions that it could be Angel Soft brand toilet paper.
Now you know about how the other half poops, let’s begin our Secret Shitter Review. Remember that these rating are out of a possible five stars.
|Number of Stalls||1|
|Toilet Paper Quality||4|
For my first trip into a ladies’ room this scored pretty high on my review! The toilet paper was a higher quality, and it was very clean. I know some women who have read these reviews have told me that woman’s rooms are disgusting. I have no way of knowing that, I don’t use the women’s room. Prove me right (or wrong) in the comment section below. We are living in a strange time in American history. With discussions about transgender rights and which bathrooms you can, and cannot use, I literally did not notice anything different. The toilets were not shaped differently, and there wasn’t anything in there that I already haven’t seen. Yeah I will say that the little wastebasket up on the wall was different, but it isn’t something I haven’t seen before. It wasn’t like someone was writing on the walls with their bloody tampon or anything. It was a toilet, a sink, and a hand dryer. Personally I do not see the difference here. Granted this was a private bathroom. But in a shared bathroom I have never once been interested in peeping in on someone taking a shit. You have a better chance of someone accidentally walking in on you, mid-push. I must say that my dick doesn’t even wiggle a little bit at the thought of the sight.
There is a much bigger problem which looms overhead. I do not know how much clearer I can be when I say there are three different types of people who take shits in this world, and they are – Men, Women, and Children. That’s it. There is not fourth type of person, there are only – Men, Women, and Children. I wish that people who are so disconnected from the situation would just mind their own business. We have seen this problem before with segregated bathrooms. We realized as a country that the very notion of forcing people to go to a different bathroom based on ill-conceived perceptions were barbaric, and unethical.
The only shit-slinging that should be down is from anus-to-toilet. It should not be from right-to-left, or left-to-right. The more they divide us, they more power they hold. Up until this point in time we haven’t had a problem until someone decided to make it one. I am calling on all of the readers to take the cashiers’ lead and if you see someone in trouble, just fucking help them out. I know when I have to take a shit or a piss that is not the point in time to start a discussion about bathroom rights. I just have to take a shit or a piss, is it really that difficult to get? Undivided we stand, constipated we fall.