Boston Harbor Hotel

IMG_20160316_105021_329    I have had some people suggest this next bathroom for close to a year. I tried to get into it the other week only to be turned away by the front desk staff. They might have won the battle that day, but I have won the war! For I went back to the same place a week later, and this time I got directions to the bathroom by the very same front desk staff that turned me away. I will say, this bathroom was totally worth the wait, and I could see why I was being hounded to go and review it. Our next bathroom is at The Boston Harbor Hotel.

Like I said above, I was told to keep going to the Boston Harbor Hotel. The reader, Rick kept telling me the bathroom was amazing. He also told me that the adjacent map room was very interesting as well. I will say he was right about everything in this place. If you have never been in The Boston Harbor Hotel, there is a very elegant map room just off of the main lobby. These maps date back to the 1700’s and are really interesting to look at. I love looking at old maps of New England. I like seeing the incremental changes that were made from when the settlers first got here. It is amazing how far the region has come considering its’ humble beginnings.

Maps are cool and all, especially old ones, but you are not reading this to inform IMG_20160316_105021_221yourself about maps. No you are reading this because you want to see the Shitters! So let me start by saying this place is kind of a maze to get around. There are about three or four different doors you can go into when you go to the Boston Harbor Hotel. So you have to pick the right one, or else you might end up in a restaurant, or you might end up in the office portion of the building. I am going to show you the door that you have to go into and make this whole thing a lot easier for you.

Do you remember the Rows Wharf Ferry Terminal Bathroom Review? Ok so you know how I said it was adjacent to an entrance into the Boston Harbor Hotel? Well instead of going into the Ferry terminal bathroom, head forward into the hotel doors and you will be pretty close to the Boston Harbor Hotel’s Bathroom. Once you enter the door, you will turn left like you are going into the bar. There will be a small set of stairs on the right hand side. There will be a black and red rug which lead up to a small hallway. That is there the restroom is located.

IMG_20160316_105021_237      The only thing I can say about this bathroom is, wow! This is fucking lavish if I have ever seen lavish before. I feel like I am taking a dump in Bill Gate’s bathroom. There are three stalls in this restroom. Each stall has a full length door. The doors are equipped with sturdy secure coat hooks. The doors are white. Usually when hotels have full length doors, they are shutter-style, not solid body. This is totally a game changer for me.

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Now one of the complaints that I have about the stall is that it’s a little too cramped. Now the length of the stall is ok, it is the width that is the issue here. I guess it would around six inches to a foot wider than the door itself. Also the lighting in there is average, but it could be better. I guess they are sacrificing stall comfort for the advantage of having a full length solid door.

Now when I was in there, if I remember correctly it was around 9am. There were two people who walked in there, and they just took a pee and that was in. For them it was a quick operation, in and out. With me, I wanted to sit down and savor this a little. I did have time to kill before I needed to catch the train at South Station anyways, so this was the perfect spot to do it.

As I sat there, I got to soak in the décor a little more. I haven’t really gone into IMG_20160316_105021_251great detail as of yet, but this place was amazing. The walls in the stall were this deep blue-green-grey color, it was really fucking nice. It gave it an “air of elegance” to the pooping atmosphere. The floors were aligned with this marble tile. The color pattern was a light grey with black swirls in it. They had the same style tiles lining the walls by the urinals too except they were a shade or two darker. The pictures don’t really depict that too well. As far as the décor goes, here is the icing on top, when you first enter the bathroom, there is a very nice mirror and a fucking accent table that greets you! When you put an accent table in a bathroom, you know that is a good shitter!

Ok so now that my time here is coming to an end, we have to focus on the clean-up portion of the post. The toilet paper was of the two ply variety, and was soft. I don’t quite remember if it had the little ridges in it, but it did a pretty good job of cleaning up my bum with no harmful side effects. The toilet, sink, and soap were all automatic, as to be expected. I think there will come a time in my life that when I encounter a manual flush toilet, it will be viewed as a relic of the past. I have gone a little off topic here, so let me end this paragraph by saying that this place offered paper towels as their only source of drying.

Well now that my posts are becoming self-aware, this is a better time than ever to turn our attention to our Secret Shitter review. Now remember each of these rating is out of a possible five stars.

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Number of Stalls 3
Stall Comfort 3
Accessibility 2
Busyness 1
Cleanliness 5
Décor 5
Toilet Paper Quality 4
Total 4.5



There you have it folks, a Solid Four-Star Shitter! Now you are probably asking IMG_20160316_105021_282yourself, why isn’t this a Five-Star stall? Surely it more than meets all of the requirements? Well you’re not exactly wrong, let me explain myself, and the reasoning behind it. Honestly what sets this bathroom back from achieving a perfect rating is the stall comfort. This stall is honestly too small and cramped for me to put this in the Five-Star category. Yeah I know the décor is amazing, I know you can’t really find it, and it is clean as a whistle. But the toilet paper wasn’t above and beyond, and the stall felt cramped. Now if the stall was maybe a foot or so wider, then yes this would totally be a Five-Star Shitter. But because of those issues I just said, it isn’t. Now don’t let that get you down. You can see that this bathroom is well above and beyond your average bathroom it is just lacking those key things. Now I can overlook toilet paper quality, but I can’t overlook the stall comfort factor. I would be doing you a disservice if I told you everything was top notch, because it isn’t. Now if I was walking along the Boston Harbor walk and I needed to shit, would I use this bathroom? Of course I would! It would be naive of me to say that this bathroom is average. This bathroom is almost right up there with the best of them. So if you’re in that area, go into the Boston Harbor Hotel, look at the cool maps, have a drink in that bar, and go have a great shitting experience!

Well now that I got all of that out of the way, I wanted to tell you to look out this Monday for our posts from Portland, Maine, and Fridays from Providence Rhode Island! If you couIMG_20160316_105021_315ld spread the word to friends and family that you have or may know in those states, we would really appreciate that! Now we are going to be doing some more work to the website (I know I know) but I just moved it over to its’ own server, and I am going to be having someone help me along with the design of it. I have some other cool tricks up my sleeve too that I will let you in on real soon. So see you on Friday, and buy our book so I can go more places and keep up with the website and pay people and stuff like that! The link is at the top of the page, and if you’re in Winthrop Massachusetts go to The Winthrop Book Depot and buy our book and get yourself a coffee.


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